VidAngel Buys Disney

Update: April Fools!

 

Struggling film studio The Walt Disney Company announced plans to be acquired by media juggernaut VidAngel Inc. after weeks of closed-door negotiations. Disney, whose quirky indie properties “Star Wars” and “Marvel Cinematic Universe” failed to expand beyond their cult followings, threw in the towel after years of poor financial performance.

 

“Sometimes you have to know when to quit,” said Disney CEO Bob Iger in a prepared statement, noting that the company’s recent expansion into theme parks had proved even more calamitous than its work in film.

 

The deal comes as no surprise to analysts, who long anticipated Disney’s inability to compete with streaming behemoth VidAngel.

 

Indeed, Disney filed suit last year, claiming that its financial prospects would be “irreparably harmed” by the much-larger VidAngel. Similar arguments were made by Disney’s co-plaintiffs, the struggling family-run studio Warner Bros., and low-budget independent studio Twentieth Century Fox, whose financial woes have prevented it from updating its name for the 21st century.

 

The lawsuit proved to be too little, too late for the cash-strapped Disney, thanks in large part to its bungling of the fast-growing online filtering market.

 

“We thought we understood filtering customers,” Iger told reporters Saturday. “We argued in court that they wanted a filtering option that can’t add new movies, doesn’t offer HD or 4K, and can’t work on Apple TV, FireTV, Roku, Chromecast, Playstation, Xbox, smart TVs, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, HBO, Showtime, or iTunes.”

 

“It turns out they wanted to filter movies,” added Iger. “You live and you learn.”

 

Prior to accepting VidAngel’s acquisition offer, Disney’s dire financial straits had forced the studio to begin making movies using only a computer, resulting in such box office duds as Zootopia, Inside Out, and Frozen, Disney’s greatest failure to date.

 

A Disney representative declined to comment on the selling price of the company, though sources close to the deal report a price tag easily north of $1,000.

 

Cinderella Castle
In retrospect, Iger conceded that building a full-scale castle had been “wildly impractical.”

 

41 thoughts on “VidAngel Buys Disney

  1. Headlines: “Steamboat Willie on a Sand Bar!”

    So that’s why I saw Mickey on the corner of Harbor and Manchester with a sign, “Will Act for Food….” Snow White posted a nanny query on CraigsList, “Good with those Little People…” The Seven Dwarves had a sit down with Peter Jackson on a sequel but he’s out of Tolkein stories….

  2. Great news! I guess we can expect them to stop all current showings of Beauty and the Beast until some important edits are completed so people will actually want to see it.

  3. Oh, please stop! My side aches from laughing. For those that don’t get it, you need to research the legal arguments being made by the studios suing VidAngel. Pretty ludicrous on the very face of it, but it makes for rich satire!

  4. Love it! April fools! Keep up the good fight! Don’t be bullied by Disney and the big, arrogant studios and directors that care nothing for the family except for our wallets! “Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.”

  5. This is why I love vid angel! Great follow up to vid devil. Can’t wait for next year. And May you prevail against Disney and all the other cronies!

  6. Whoever invented April Fools is no other than an idiot. VidAngel, please don’t let this be one of those jokes which aren’t at all funny.

  7. I think it’s brilliantly funny! To get the full impact, you HAVE to back track and read the blog. We’ve been following you all from the beginning and continue to pray! Okay people who got fooled…I’m pretty sure it obvious it’s a joke because it says April Fools 😉 Keep fighting Vidangel…

  8. I am making a bill in my Government class that will make VidAngel legal without of doubt! If you want to give support for the bill, just leave your name. You need to be 18 years or older to give support.

  9. OK, it was funny for a moment, but maybe time to pull this FAKE update.
    Now that I’ve come back here a few times to get a real update, this FAKE update is getting really disappointing.

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